These questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism
1. Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them
2. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.
A: Sure, it’s only Four thousand miles (7000 km), take lots of water. . .
4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.
5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to
contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let’s not touch this one.
A: What did your last slave die of?
7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada?
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da
is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo
racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
8. Q: Which direction is north in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
we’ll send the rest of the directions.
9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is. .
. oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
11. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don’t stink.
12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)
A: You are an American politician, right?
14. Q: Can you tell me the regions on British Columbia where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
15. Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
16. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
17. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely
handled and make good pets.
18. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its
name. It’s a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It’s called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains
of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying
yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
19. Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
20. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.