{"id":9794,"date":"2010-08-30T07:26:43","date_gmt":"2010-08-30T05:26:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/?p=9794"},"modified":"2010-08-30T07:26:43","modified_gmt":"2010-08-30T05:26:43","slug":"lets-not-do-time-warp-again-restaurant-review-michele-miles-gardiner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/eclectic\/lets-not-do-time-warp-again-restaurant-review-michele-miles-gardiner\/","title":{"rendered":"Let's NOT Do the Time Warp Again!! A Restaurant Review by Michele Miles Gardiner"},"content":{"rendered":"

My review of “Lucy’s El Adobe”<\/a> by Michele Miles Gardiner<\/a><\/h3>\n

\"\"
\nLast night, time warped and the earth tilted the second Marv<\/a><\/strong> didn\u2019t heed Ian\u2019s<\/strong> advice. It was the point of no return, when Rod Serling should\u2019ve stepped in to warn us:
\n“You’re traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That’s the signpost up ahead – your next stop, the Twilight Zone!<\/strong><\/a>”
\n\"\"
\nLittle did we know then we had toyed with time travel the night before; our group of four (Marv <\/strong>and Lisa, Ian <\/strong><\/a>and I) had successfully stepped back, momentarily, into the 1980s by celebrating the 22nd Anniversary of the movie Tapeheads (the movie brought Ian and me together back in 1987 when he produced one of the movie\u2019s songs and King Cotton<\/strong> introduced us). We watched the film again, remembering that the \u201880s didn\u2019t completely suck. It wasn\u2019t all Flock of Seagulls, Adam Ant, big shoulder pads and neon parachute pants. No, Tapeheads reminded us there was great music. And listening to our old friends from the band the Bonedaddys <\/strong>reunite at the after-party, playing the songs we loved that they played when we were dating, just confirmed they were as funk-fueled and blazing hot as we remembered them to be in the \u201880s. As if I were twenty-two again, I danced all night.
\n\"\"
\nSo our time-travel trip was a success. We didn\u2019t leave it in disgust, with the too sweet, flat taste of Bartles and James wine coolers clinging to our tongues. We went back to the past, but returned into the present smiling. Little did we know, we stepped into dangerous territory, setting the time warp continuum off-kilter. So the following evening didn\u2019t go quite as we expected. Here\u2019s our evening Friday night:
\nAs Marv drives from the Valley on the 101, Ian says, \u201cWhatever you do, Marv, don\u2019t take the Highland exit.\u201d Everyone knows, the evening Hollywood Bowl traffic will suck you in, keep you trapped until it spits you out into Hollywood, forever altered – and not in a good way. But Marv doesn\u2019t listen. He ignores Ian\u2019s sage advice, drives onto the Highland exit and plunges us into the hellish pit of metal, glaring headlights and helpless drivers sitting in a mass-stupor.
\nBut we don\u2019t realize things are askew just yet.
\n\u201cDoe a deer, a female deer\u2026\u201d Lisa and I, both sitting in the back seat, begin singing (after seeing the Hollywood Bowl Billboard\u2019s announcement of a Sound of Music sing-a-long), completely unaware we\u2019re hurtling into another dimension, we naively continue singing more songs from Sound of Music, \u201cHigh on a hill was a lonely goat herd\u2026 Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo\u2026\u201d
\n\"\"
\nAfter an inconceivable amount of time \u2013 minutes? Hours? A few decades? Lisa\u2019s car is spit from Highland out onto Sunset Boulevard. Craving Mexican food and thirsting for margaritas, we drive toward El Compadre<\/strong>, passing the purple neon and blinking lights of the Seventh Veil and its \u201cLive Nude Girls\u201d and the Saharan motel.
\nOur starving foursome enters El Compadre. Musicians are playing mariachi music. People are smiling. They\u2019re laughing and dipping crispy tortilla chips into chunky red salsa and swigging margaritas into their happy faces. We push through the joyous crowd. They all look so happy, with their chip-eating and margarita-swigging, we want to join them. But we\u2019re told the wait could be an hour, so we decide to drive somewhere else.
\n\"\"
\nAnd so we fall deeper into a dimension I never imagined it\u2019d be possible to re-visit.
\nLike zombies, we drive down Melrose toward our destination. As if we don\u2019t live in a city with a wide array of Mexican restaurants, as if we don\u2019t have the power to make choices, we drive on. Nearing Paramount Studios, Marv tells stories of recording at Studio 55. We finally park. We\u2019re stopped right across from where Studio 55 once existed. Closed for years now, it\u2019s the reason we drove to Lucy\u2019s El Adobe. It\u2019s where Marv, Ian and lots of recording artists would go to grab a meal.
\nBut that was back in the \u201870s \u2013 over thirty years ago.
\n\u201cThis is where Jerry Brown and Linda Rondstadt would have their tryst,\u201d Marv says as he opens the door to Lucy\u2019s.
\n\"\"
\nWe then walk into a room with gloppy amber colored lights stuck to dingy walls, walls littered with bad Mexican motif. On every other inch of the dingy walls are photos of celebrities in frames. I do a double-take. Is that Suzanne Sommers, as Chrissy Snow from Three’s Company, smiling down at me with a pony tail stuck to one side of her head?
\nWhile none of us seem impressed with the dated and slightly decrepit atmosphere, we try to find a table. One side of the room\u2019s too dark. The other side\u2019s glaring with light in one corner and dim in another. Unlike El Compadre, there\u2019s no music, no joyous laughter. Some people are seated, but they don\u2019t seem all that happy about it.
\nYet\u00a0 we stay.
\nWe\u2019re seated in a room with a too bright TV in the corner, and a very long table of people who seem to have no where better to go. So we join them in their misery, and take our place at a faux-wood, Formica-topped table.
\nTo my right, over Marv\u2019s shoulder, I can\u2019t take my eyes off the bad painting of former California Governor Jerry Brown, circa 1978. He\u2019s in profile, and seems to have an eagle flying out of his nose. But I\u2019m starving and thirsty, so I do my best to ignore it.
\nMarv mentions again, \u201cYeah, this is where Jerry Brown and Linda Rondstadt would have their tryst.\u201d
\n\"\"
\n\u201cMarv, do you have some sort of quota to say the word tryst, tonight?\u201d I ask.
\nStarving and thirsty, we still all manage to laugh.
\nFinally, a busboy brings us chips and salsa. The watery red salsa is accompanied by a sorry little wooden bowl (the size of a baby\u2019s palm) with about sixteen chips sitting in it. Not great at math, even I calculated that\u2019s only four chips per person.
\nWe each take turns grabbing our first chip. I bite into mine. \u201cEwww. It\u2019s cold and stale. And what\u2019s with serving them in such a puny bowl? Haven\u2019t they updated since the \u201870s? Don\u2019t they know we now expect bucket sized drinks and huge baskets of chips?\u201d
\nLisa nods. Ian rolls his eyes. Marv quotes Woody Allen from Annie Hall: \u201cIt was such bad food, and so little of it.\u201d
\n\"\"
\nWith scenes from Annie Hall drifting through my mind, I zone in on the teeny tortilla chip bowl and realize that the bowl is exactly the same type my mom had back when I was a kid\u2026 in the 1970s. I look up and stare at Jerry Brown and the eagle flying out of his nose\u2026 I shake my head. What decade are we in?
\nNow Lisa looks frustrated, staring at the tiny wooden bowl. \u201cThis isn\u2019t right. The chips are gone, but we still have lots of salsa.\u201d
\nWe all nod. It\u2019s wrong. But I think our waiter won\u2019t be bringing us chips very soon, because he\u2019s probably thinking \u201cHey, why should I give these people decent service? I cater to the hoity-toity elite, like Jerry Brown, Linda Rondstadt, Chrissy from Three\u2019s Company, the kid from HR Puff-n-Stuff, the Breck Girl, Mr. Whipple from the Charmin toilet paper commercial\u2026\u201d (Screaming,”Please!!! Don’t Squeeze the CHARMIN!!!” Also several other vintage CHARMIN Adverts below)
\n<\/strong><\/em><\/span>
\n<\/object>
\n\"\"
\nFinally, we get more stale chips. But now we\u2019re out of salsa. It must\u2019ve evaporated since the time the waiter last visited.
\nLisa\u2019s not happy. \u201cNow we have chips, but no salsa.\u201d
\nWe all nod. This is very, very wrong. The chip to salsa ratio is completely askew. We\u2019re in a bad cycle. The waiter may bring salsa, but then we\u2019ll have no chips; then he might find time to bring chips, but then we’ll have no salsa. Lisa\u2019s exactly right.
\nThat\u2019s when I have my epiphany: Of course the chip to salsa ratio is out of whack. The entire night is off-kilter!
\nDoesn\u2019t everyone see? We\u2019ve been plummeted back into 1978, when Jerry Brown was Governor!<\/strong><\/a> That explains the artwork and dated Hollywood \u201ccelebrities\u201d on the walls.
\n\"\"
\nWe finally get our small (which are supposed to be large, but only according to a long gone era\u2019s measurement), strangely perfumey margaritas. The below average tasting drinks just confirm my discovery of our time travel error. The only way this restaurant could still be opened in the present era of bigger, better, more choices and online restaurant review sites – it\u2019s still 1978. There\u2019s no other explanation for how this place could survive.
\nThe waiter never brings the guacamole Marv ordered and my chicken mole enchiladas taste like they\u2019re drenched in Nestle\u2019s chocolate syrup.
\nWho else would accept food and service this bad? The only people who would return again and again to this place are people who\u2019ve sat in gas lines due to the oil crisis, people who\u2019ve worn polyester pant suits on a hot LA day, people who\u2019ve hustled to disco music, people who laugh at Three\u2019s Company and listen to their eight-track tapes of Abba and Captain and Tennille. These are the people who don\u2019t complain when served sixteen stale tortillas chips. They don\u2019t know any better!\u00a0 They don\u2019t have online review sites like Yelp and CitySearch. Heck, the personal computer, for them, doesn\u2019t even exist yet!!
\n\"\"
\nI keep this information to myself, that we\u2019ve been hurled deep into the darkness of the disco-era doldrums.
\nLisa thinks the only thing off-kilter is the chip to salsa ratio. I don\u2019t want to panic her any further. Ian, Lisa and Marv only know the night is out of balance, and it all just feels wrong, as if something’s amiss… but they can’t figure out what.
\nWe can\u2019t wait to get out of this place. We debate what sort of tip to leave and then scamper out as quickly as possible.
\n(The “Let’s Do the Time-Warp Again” sequence from the film “Rocky Horror Picture Show”<\/strong><\/a>)<\/em>
\n<\/object>
\n<\/object>
\nDuring the drive back to the Valley, on the 101, Ian talks about how horrid the service was. Marv says, \u201cYeah, we only tipped them fifteen percent. Ha!\u201d
\n\u201cYeah,\u201d I say, \u201cAnd when we tipped them we didn\u2019t really feel like doing it. That\u2019ll show \u2018em!\u201d
\nI laugh to cover my fear that we may never return to the year 2010, where people are served large baskets of tortilla chips, where little joyless crap-hole restaurants could never survive on their reputation thirty years ago.
\nI start to worry: will I go home and find someone\u2019s Ford Pinto parked in my driveway? Will it be my home at all? Or will I have to revisit 8th grade in Northern California, wearing Ditto Jeans and smearing my lips with Bonne Bell <\/strong><\/a>strawberry gloss as I hum \u201cDreamweaver\u201d<\/strong><\/a> to myself on my way to school\u2026 dreaming about my future? Please, no!!
\nAs we hurtle toward the Valley on the 101, the four of us \u2013 as if one \u2013 begin chanting nonsense like we\u2019re Yoko Ono quadrupled: Yoko Ono Ono Yoko\u2026aaaaaaaahhhhh\u2026. Uhhhhhhh\u2026. It\u2019s fun. It\u2019s goofy. What are we doing? Are we purging the seventies from our systems?
\nFew people in the seventies would dare give Yoko the time of day after she (or so she was blamed) tore apart the Beatles. Maybe our homage to Yoko is re-altering the time warp continuum\u2026 getting us back into balance. We weren\u2019t supposed to return to 1978. Just as we\u2019re now not supposed to howl and squawk like Yoko. What sane people would want to do either? Are we sane? Well, that\u2019s up for debate, but\u2026
\nWe drive up to Marv and Lisa’s house. Marv’s very own car is in his driveway, and it\u2019s not an AMC Pacer!<\/strong><\/a>
\n\"\"
\nWe\u2019ve done it! We\u2019ve come back to the future \u2013 to the present. Never again will Lisa have to suffer the outrage of chips without salsa, because we, the people of today, have learned to put chips in large baskets. We\u2019re back to where computers have come far beyond Pong! Never again will I take our present day for granted. I\u2019m done dabbling in time travel even if there was some great music back then and Robert Plant, Roger Daltrey, John Travolta, and Linda Rondstadt were all hot.
\n\"\"
\nAnyway, who knows, maybe I just hallucinated the entire time warp thing, got carried away with all the Jerry Brown art and musty Mexican motif.
\nIan and I say goodbye to Lisa and Marv. We get in our car (What a relief! It\u2019s not a Pinto<\/strong><\/a>!), and drive home.
\n\"\"
\nExcited to be back in my very own place, I run to my computer and get online to post a review of Lucy\u2019s El Adobe. It\u2019s succinct: \u201cJust Don\u2019t!!!!\u201d<\/span><\/strong>
\nStanding behind me, as I type my last \u201c!\u201d is Rod Serling:<\/p>\n

If you think it\u2019s possible to return to the past without any consequences, think again. Once it\u2019s done, everything you know will go out of balance\u2026 in the Twilight Zone.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Post written by Michele Miles Gardiner<\/strong><\/em>
\nYou may discover more of Michele’s work HERE…<\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My review of “Lucy’s El Adobe” by Michele Miles Gardiner Last night, time warped and the earth tilted the second Marv didn\u2019t heed Ian\u2019s advice. It was the point of no return, when Rod Serling should\u2019ve stepped in to warn us: “You’re traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That’s the signpost up ahead – your next stop, the Twilight 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