{"id":6123,"date":"2010-03-01T19:48:49","date_gmt":"2010-03-01T18:48:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/?p=6123"},"modified":"2010-03-01T19:48:49","modified_gmt":"2010-03-01T18:48:49","slug":"state-artist-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/celebrities\/state-artist-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"The State of the Artist # 2"},"content":{"rendered":"
by Marvin Kanarek<\/a><\/em><\/h6>\n

I just had an epiphany, maybe it\u2019s The Muse, I don\u2019t know. So I guess I\u2019m fated to continue at least \u2018til the end of this little story.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

I\u2019m a true \u201cdyed in the T-shirt\u201d Hippy way back when during the Yorkville days in Toronto. Living the life of music, free love, lots of stimulants, crash pads, communal living and all the other appendages of peace. love, tuning in, grooving, dropping out and just plain dropping anything that\u2019s put in your hand or mouth or both.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sharing a house with I don\u2019t remember how many other hippies and their \u201cold ladies\u201d. Typical night. No gig, so stay home at the pad and wait for the drop ins that are sure to arrive during the evening… The usual joint is passed around the table. Hendrix or the Doors or CSNY or anyone that played at Woodstock is screaming from the turntable.<\/p>\n

The music is our constant backdrop. I go to my usual safe spot at the end of the table and withdraw as I do almost every night, unless I\u2019m out playing at a club. I grab my ink pens, my pencils, my paper and start sketching. In those days it was all about Celtic designs, psychedelic imagery, dharma, karma and anything \u201ctrippy\u201d. I would fly around my universe while the music carried me from one frame of consciousness to another. After time, I would snap out of my “trance”, realizing that I had an audience to the left, right and behind me. Sitting in silence, they would be transfixed on whatever image I created. Sometimes they would come out of me in minutes, sometimes hours. All the while I was aware of other presences but never dared to look up for fear of losing \u201cthe groove\u201d. I only acknowledged them when the graphic trip was over.<\/p>\n

This was a frequent activity in the pad or many other places I crashed during the Hippy Days. I usurped Hendrix, The Jefferson Starship, The Doors. They all became my back up band as I sketched away freestyle.<\/p>\n

Many of the regulars at the many tables or corners I free form sketched at, would also follow me at my gigs. There were many clubs that I played in during those fertile years in Toronto.<\/p>\n

All sounds great to me. What\u2019s the point of the story? Nice as it is getting all nostalgic I do have a point don\u2019t I?<\/p>\n

Well I\u2019m guessing that I\u2019m writing about denial and then acceptance. See, as I warned you and myself in the first post, I will only write if The Muse is here. It is,and I can\u2019t stop to ask questions. So, I\u2019m not sure where this going. I just have to follow. I\u2019m sure there will be clarification at the end. I hope so!<\/p>\n

Denial and acceptance? Think about what\u2019s just been thrown at you Kanarek. Don\u2019t think to hard, or you\u2019re gonna lose you know who, and then it just becomes bullshit. Okay. So something is bothering me about those days and those tables and those clubs. Yeah, I think I get it. I was getting freaked out by being the source of entertainment. Like some trained animal ready to perform on demand! Is that\u2019s what\u2019s so bothersome? Yeah, that and the fact that I was feeling like freak. I wanted to be like everybody else. I already stood out because of my height. Now I\u2019ve got this \u201csketching, playing\u201d that sticks out like a huge wart! I\u2019m not saying that I didn\u2019t love the attention. It\u2019s just that I wished someone else could have taken over the helm for a little breathing time. So I get it. I wore my talent like a huge coil of chains. Maybe someone else could of dealt with it more intelligently or with more grace. I didn\u2019t. I wanted to speak, act and be like everyone else \/ I\u2019m realizing that I still hadn\u2019t accepted who I was back then. It was a great ride, but it would be years until I realized that I could have saved myself much agony if I was just a little brighter back then. Wow, the memory of me constantly dumbing myself down just hit me really hard.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a ton of gifted people out there who are, or are not dealing with who they are. I am not embarrassed, nor do I feel arrogant admitting to myself that I am talented. That was an important step for me. You wear it with grace and thankfulness. If you keep it to yourself that\u2019s fine. It\u2019s one way to protect yourself from close contact. As soon as you put it out there, you are performing. At that point you will be judged, admired, hated, misunderstood, abused, heralded, despised, idolized and all other emotions and acts that happen when put under close scrutiny by the audience. It happens in galleries,book signings, concerts, photo shoots, recitals and any other venue that an iron willed artist puts himself or herself in.<\/p>\n

So I wasted so many years not having the balls or nerve to admit I am talented! Multi-talented actually. There I said it! I felt different. I sunk into the miasma of compensating for my inability to accept who I was. Sometimes I\u2019d counter by lack of self-confidence with obnoxious displays of over the top arrogance. Very bad! I\u2019m not a psychologist, but I\u2019m sure there was a whole lot of much deeper demons lurking behind a lot of cerebral real estate! I know most of them intimately now. I even have names for each of them.<\/p>\n

So,what am I learning on this trip that the Muse has been so kind to take me on? I swear, I probably won\u2019t know til this particular stream is spent and I finally read it. I know that I tried to downplay my talents so that I didn\u2019t stand out. That\u2019s more than denial. It\u2019s even worse. I\u2019d call it self inflicted repression! As I got older, I seemed to get more of a handle on this possible psychosis. I always enjoyed the performing. The galleries, the concert stages,unrolling a design for a client. It\u2019s all performance. I still felt awkward. The clich\u00e9 is, I felt that I didn\u2019t deserve the attention. Isn\u2019t that interesting Kanarek? So, it was part repression and part denial. Denial of what? Talent? The fact that I was repressing the talent? Denial that I was an artist? So besides denial and acceptance, there is now repression? Complicated path. The Muse just left. Seriously. I\u2019m stopping.<\/p>\n

The State of the Artist<\/strong>
\nPart 1<\/a>
\nPart 3<\/a>
\nPart 4<\/a>
\nPart 5<\/a>
\nPart 6<\/a>
\nPart 7<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Marvin Kanarek I just had an epiphany, maybe it\u2019s The Muse, I don\u2019t know. So I guess I\u2019m fated to continue at least \u2018til the end of this little story. I\u2019m a true \u201cdyed in the T-shirt\u201d Hippy way back when during the Yorkville days in Toronto. Living the life of music, free love, lots of stimulants, crash pads, communal living and all the other appendages of peace. love, tuning in, grooving, dropping out and just plain dropping anything […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6166,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[5],"tags":[728,3,28,788],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/02\/PC250099.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paG8MM-1AL","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":6179,"url":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/celebrities\/state-artist-4\/","url_meta":{"origin":6123,"position":0},"title":"The State of The Artist # 4","author":"Benjamin Kanarek","date":"March 3, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"by Marvin Kanarek I was going to do something else right now. I was outside having a smoke. Something came in again. So I\u2019m sitting here getting it out before it goes away. Three words: - Sacrifice, Selfishness, Balance. When that \u201cmoment arrives\u201d it\u2019s only you tapping into and following\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Celebrities"","block_context":{"text":"Celebrities","link":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/category\/celebrities\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/03\/PC260273.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/03\/PC260273.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/03\/PC260273.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":6164,"url":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/celebrities\/state-artist-muse\/","url_meta":{"origin":6123,"position":1},"title":"The State of The Artist # 3 – The Muse","author":"Benjamin Kanarek","date":"March 2, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"I\u2019m sure there are dictionary definitions of the word Muse. I or you can look it up. Maybe I will when this cycle has passed through me. I had heard a great story about a Scottish poetess who was out walking on her land one morning when all of a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Celebrities"","block_context":{"text":"Celebrities","link":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/category\/celebrities\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/03\/DSC_0206_2.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":6092,"url":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/celebrities\/state-artist\/","url_meta":{"origin":6123,"position":2},"title":"The State of the Artist # 1","author":"Benjamin Kanarek","date":"February 28, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"by Marvin Kanarek I\u2019ll try as best I can to describe the journey, the psyche, the attitude, the denial, the acceptance and anything else I can touch upon that might illuminate this elusive universe that I call \u201cThe State Of The Artist? It\u2019s a state of mind, spirit and necessity,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Celebrities"","block_context":{"text":"Celebrities","link":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/category\/celebrities\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/02\/Photo-by-Marvin-Kanarek.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/02\/Photo-by-Marvin-Kanarek.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/02\/Photo-by-Marvin-Kanarek.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":6254,"url":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/celebrities\/state-artist-6\/","url_meta":{"origin":6123,"position":3},"title":"The State of The Artist # 6","author":"Benjamin Kanarek","date":"March 11, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"by Marvin Kanarek \u201cBody Of Work\u201d is here, let\u2019s see where this goes... Someone who designs a single house is not an architect. Someone who writes a single song or set of lyrics is not a songwriter. A person who owns a musical instrument is not a musician. A single\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Celebrities"","block_context":{"text":"Celebrities","link":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/category\/celebrities\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/03\/kanarek.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":5269,"url":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/talking-about-bkblog\/frederique-renaut-how-did-you-get-there-interview\/","url_meta":{"origin":6123,"position":4},"title":"The Fr\u00e9d\u00e9rique Renaut "How did you get there?" Interview","author":"Benjamin Kanarek","date":"February 9, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Fr\u00e9d\u00e9rique Renaut from Benjamin Kanarek Blog being interviewed by Kristi Thompson for her fabulous blog \"How Did You Get There\"?","rel":"","context":"In "They're talking about us..."","block_context":{"text":"They're talking about us...","link":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/category\/talking-about-bkblog\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/02\/tiffany-co.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/02\/tiffany-co.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/02\/tiffany-co.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":9667,"url":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/music\/singer-rufus-wainwright-going-town\/","url_meta":{"origin":6123,"position":5},"title":"Rufus Wainwright – Going To A Town (Revived)","author":"Benjamin Kanarek","date":"August 22, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"I absolutely love this song by Rufus Wainwright -Going to a Town- and for those of you that may not have heard this Muse like tune","rel":"","context":"In "Music"","block_context":{"text":"Music","link":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/category\/music\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/08\/arts-graphics-2008_1132414a.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6123"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6123"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6123\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6166"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6123"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6123"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6123"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}