{"id":524,"date":"2009-07-05T11:13:46","date_gmt":"2009-07-05T09:13:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/?p=524"},"modified":"2009-07-05T11:13:46","modified_gmt":"2009-07-05T09:13:46","slug":"cow-stories","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/eclectic\/cow-stories\/","title":{"rendered":""Cow Stories""},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

TWO COWS<\/strong>
\nA CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to
\nyour neighbor.
\nA SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to
\nyour neighbor.
\nA REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
\nA DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty
\nfor being successful. You vote people into office who taxyour cows,
\nforcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you
\nvoted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and
\ngive it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
\nA COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides
\nyou with milk.
\nA FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you
\nthe milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
\nDEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you
\nto the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign
\ncountry who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
\nCAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull,
\nand build a herd of cows.
\nBUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes
\nthem both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk,
\nthen pours the milk down the drain.
\nAN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
\nother to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the
\ncow drops dead.
\nA FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you
\nwant three cows.
\nA JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
\none tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the
\nmilk.
\nA GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they
\nlive for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
\nAN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don’t know where they
\nare. You break for lunch.
\nA RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you
\nhave five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
\nYou count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting
\ncows and open another bottle of vodka.
\nAN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
\nA MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, but you don’t
\nknow what a cow looks like. You take a nap.
\nA SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to
\nyou. You charge for storing them for others.
\nA BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a
\npartnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows,
\nand the American corporation declares bankruptcy.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

TWO COWS
\nA CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":525,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[47],"tags":[27],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/07\/Cow.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paG8MM-8s","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":24539,"url":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/eclectic\/national-embarrasement-french\/","url_meta":{"origin":524,"position":0},"title":"French Homeless in the Snow A National Embarrassment","author":"Benjamin Kanarek","date":"February 6, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Last night in a Paris buried under the snow, a friend of mine found a homeless person in front of his building","rel":"","context":"In "Eclectic"","block_context":{"text":"Eclectic","link":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/category\/eclectic\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/thebkmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/02\/0202403455085.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/thebkmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/02\/0202403455085.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/thebkmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/02\/0202403455085.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":3512,"url":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/celebrities\/hommage-aaron-russo\/","url_meta":{"origin":524,"position":1},"title":"An Hommage to Aaron Russo","author":"Benjamin Kanarek","date":"December 22, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"America, Freedom to Fascism The below article taken from \"Advocates for Self Government\" Watch this Video series with Film maker and Music Producer Aaron Russo who sadly died in 2007.\u00a0 We lost a wonderful Human Being a Real \"Mensch\".\u00a0 I can only imagine what he might have accomplished had he\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Celebrities"","block_context":{"text":"Celebrities","link":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/category\/celebrities\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/America-Freedom-to-Fascism-pic1.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":19760,"url":"https:\/\/thebkmag.com\/rebuild\/eclectic\/when-vodka-lost-accent-babushkas-wore-kimonos\/","url_meta":{"origin":524,"position":2},"title":"When Vodka Lost its Accent and Babushkas Wore Kimonos","author":"Benjamin Kanarek","date":"July 20, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Vodka. 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